Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Trump’s crack (pot) legal team | The progressive pulse

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I’m not saying Trump’s lawyers to defend impeachment weren’t very good, but I imagine even Marjorie Taylor Greene sighed and said, “Ho. And I thought I was a dangerous, dumb windsock” after opening of arguments last week.

Although the ex-president was acquitted, you have to admit once again that his defense was shaky at best. Trump seemed to be hiring and firing lawyers almost casually for his crack (pot) legal team. Far from languishing in Mar-a-lago-ville, he watched the events on TV, roared for new talent, and on Saturday nothing came close to justice.

Trump’s lawyers weren’t the best or the brightest, but you can’t really blame them. Hardly anyone likes to be paid with live chickens anymore.

Because the ex-president does not pay his lawyers, he has discovered that it is difficult to find a good representation. That’s how I’ve felt for the past four years, so I understand the frustration. His initial feelers for finding the best legal minds resulted in a version of “No” ranging from “I have to wash my hair that week” to “It’s not you; it’s us; we have ethics” to “Not even if you sent Liam Neeson to my house and he told me he had a “very specific set of skills; skills I have acquired during a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. “

So he ended up with lawyers who were less of the top drawer and more of a Sterlite box with a warped lid. Although nothing harmful seeped from their scalp, at least on Day 1 they were committing poetry – Longfellow, by the way, and with TEARS.

Trump, not exactly a patron of the arts, must have really hated his lawyer who wrote poetry – poetry! – spit out on billable hours.

T: Melania, what is this man saying?

M: “Eeez poetry, Donald.

T: Why?

M: Nobody knows, but we should like it.

While enraged and plotting to bring Matlock out of retirement, Trump was just himself. That’s the devil we know.

It was the Republican members of the Senate who confused me. Showing a 13-minute video of a mob of murderous idiots beating Capitol operatives with the corporate end of a US flagpole, their response is best summed up as ‘Meh’.

The only possible explanation for their disgusting January 6 non-response is that they wanted to stick with Trump’s base. You mustn’t risk insulting the grassroots or you could lose your seat in the Senate and fail to kiss Q-butt for another six years, refusing to compromise for the greater good and fundraising.

When it was all over, the only surprise was Richard Burr, who is from my home state of North Carolina. Burr, a lame duck who no longer has to gulp down the MAGA cult, finally found his conscience that like a broken air conditioner next to a Goodwill waste container. By voting for the conviction, we showed that Burr recognized evil, but he didn’t speak until he finally had nothing to lose. Not exactly heroic but better than nothing I suppose.

Celia Rivenbark wonders when everyone started saying ‘Jag-u-are’ instead of ‘Jag-wahr’.

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